Compromise vs. Demise

Compromising Positions and Impact In a relationship, it’s often healthy to make certain adjustments. For example, if he likes sports, it’s fine to try and enjoy the game with him. If she likes a certain chick flick, he would go and see it with her. There are healthy compromise and adjustments both people make in a relationship for it to develop and grown. But if you find yourself compromising in the the following situations for the so-called “good” of the relationship,” you are only prolonging an inevitable demise. The following are some dangerous compromising positions: Religious beliefs & practices Do you switch religions just because the other person wants you to? Do you believe if you don’t switch, you will lose the person? For many people, their faith is the foundation of their lives. Before you decide to switch religions or religious beliefs, make sure you’re doing it because you’re now enlightened and not because you want to hold on to someone. Letting go of your faith to keep a man can leave you on shaky ground. Addictive behaviors & patterns Is the person you’re in a relationship with engaged in a continuous cycle of abuse, and you don’t hold him or her accountable for the behavior and pattern? His verbally disrespectful to you, but you say nothing. He or she drinks a lot or even does drugs and behaves erratically. You see nothing wrong with his behavior, at least you have said nothing about it. You think his extreme jealousy and controlling behavior means he’s passionate and crazy about you. No, it may just mean he’s crazy, and by accepting his destructive behavior makes you a bit insane as well. Relationship boundaries crossed Are you dating a chronic cheater and emotional abuser? After the abuse or the cheating, do you carry as if nothing happened, blaming yourself, brushing the issue under the rug? Are you not taking appropriate steps to fix the problem by undergoing counseling or even a separation? If you’re allowing the person in your life to not honor the boundaies set for the relationship to work and if you think by keeping silent will bring about change, you’re sadly wrong. We teach people how to treat us. By allowing him to disrespect and disregard you, you’re saying to him, it’s okay when you are slowly suffering inside. Financial decisions exclusion Save or spend, invest or go on vacation, are you not making the other person responsible or accountable for how he or she spends both your monies? You work hard all week but have no idea how your money is being spent. He buys things without your knowledge or consent, and you’re quiet about it because you don’t want to upset him, fearing he would leave. However, if he’s not respecting you and valuing your input in the relationship, he’s already gone. Unhealthy sexual interactions & practices Do you agree to threesomes, open relationships, pornography or even not using condoms because you fear he would leave you for someone else? Are you engaging in sexual behaviors that make you uncomfortable and unhappy because you want to seem more exciting and adventurous? If you are allowing sexual practices that go against what you believe to be right just to please the other person or stay in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for a major letdown. Not only will he be gone, but he may leave you with a disease you can’t get rid of. Remember, a healthy relationship adjustment doesn’t make you compromise the core of who you are to be what the other person wants, leaving you feeling empty. For more information and one-on-on counseling, please email me at AprilWalkerCounseling@gmail.com.